Are you simply collecting connections or genuinely connecting with others?
If there has been one influencing change to how people interact over the past twenty years, it’s social media. Social media’s impact and disruptive change have been so significant that you might have missed its full scope.
If Facebook were a country, it would be substantially bigger than China. Facebook is the largest social media platform globally, with 3.07 billion monthly active users. This is followed by YouTube (2.5 billion) and WhatsApp, Instagram, WeChat, TikTok, and Facebook Messenger, all of which have over a billion users.
The average number of LinkedIn connections is 930, but you can be classified as a “super-connector” if you have 3,000+ connections—but you must know everyone! The maximum number of connections anyone can have is 30,000.
Whilst these stats might be shocking, they are not surprising.
Collecting Connections vs. Genuinely Connecting with others
Collecting connections implies a surface-level, quantity-focused approach where relationships may not involve much emotional investment or mutual understanding.
Genuinely connecting with others, on the other hand, refers to building deeper, more authentic relationships in which you truly understand, care for, and engage with others on a meaningful level. It reflects on the quality of your social interactions, emphasising the difference between accumulating contacts and fostering real, significant bonds.
Technology, particularly smartphones or other digital devices, has played a central role in our daily lives. They have become our companions, relying on them in various aspects of our lives—communication, entertainment, information, and even emotional support—often feeling like a constant presence or source of comfort. At the extreme, devices play a part in replacing traditional human connections.
Here are six ways to guarantee you are not simply collecting connections but are genuinely connecting with others…
#1 Connecting with others – be present
The best gift you can give someone is the gift of your presence.
I don’t just mean physically standing or sitting in front of them; I mean being physically and mentally present—your whole self, tuned in.
Think about it for a moment. How often have you been mid-flow in a conversation when your mind has already left and is thinking about the call you need to make or the next meeting you must attend?
How often have you sat in a meeting and been asked a question, but your mind has gone AWOL, and you have no idea where the conversation is or how to answer?
Or you’ve been at home talking with your family, and you’re busy checking your emails while you half-heartily join the playful banter.
In these moments, you are there in your body but not in your mind.
Now, I am sure this is never your deliberate intent. The challenge for all of us is that we are all so busy and have so much to do.
However, we miss the opportunity to give that individual, meeting, group, or family member the greatest gift we can give them: our 100% presence, right there in the moment with all our senses tuned in.
It’s the adage that to gain respect, you have to give respect first. The greatest respect you can give is to respect others’ time by being fully present in the moment.
#2 Connecting with others – listen first
You may have heard the expression, “A winner listens; a loser just waits until it’s his turn to talk.’
It is often true that listening is the most violated communication skill. Many people hear the words but don’t get the message trying to be conveyed to them simply because they are waiting for their turn to talk.
Listening takes concentration and a genuine interest in what the other person is saying. It is perhaps one of the most essential skills to master, and maybe the starting point is understanding the three different kinds of listening.
Inattentive listening
Inattention listening is when the person listening isn’t interested in what the other person is saying or does not have time to listen. It is complete disengagement by the listener; they’re busy doing other things while supposedly listening (typing an email, playing on their mobile, shuffling papers on their desk).
Competitive listening
Competitive listening occurs when the person is not distracted by doing other things but is absorbed in their thoughts and thinking instead of tuning into what the speaker is saying. Their internal voice competes with the external voice of the speaker.
They are 100% focused on forming what they will say next, oblivious to how the speaker’s message might impact their response or communication. Competitive listeners are more interested in their line of thinking and, therefore, might interrupt or finish off your sentence so that they can get you out of the way and make their point.
Supportive listening
Supportive listening is when someone truly listens to what you are saying, completely tuned into the moment and you. Their eyes are with you, their body language is with you, and they appear fully immersed and absorbed in what you are saying. They make you feel like you’re the only person in the room.
Their listening is supportive, and as a result, you are confident that you will not be interrupted. You’re also confident in delivering your message and getting your key points across in a natural, persuasive style with maximum impact.
#3 Connecting with others – pay attention to the detail
Great leaders, communicators, and influencers have a unique skill and habit of paying attention to the details; they always remember the small things. In a world where the big things make little difference, the little things make a big difference.
Remembering names, partners’ and children’s names, birthdays, anniversaries, hobbies, favourite sports teams. The details, the little things, demonstrate your interest.
Genuinely interested in connecting; genuinely interested in building and developing deep relationships.
#4 Connecting with others – engage in meaningful conversations
Too many people hide behind technology, specifically email. I wish I had a pound for every time I’ve said to a colleague, “Just pick up the phone and give them a call,” only to check back in later and find their response was, “I’ve sent them an email.”
In a world that has become impersonal (and technology plays a big part in this challenge), the personal touch is more important than ever. Picking up the telephone and having a conversation is a simple but powerful way of ensuring you are connecting.
#5 Connecting with others – be empathetic, not sympathetic
When you are empathetic with others, you show an understanding of how others feel. This understanding comes from understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, and experiencing. On the other hand, sympathy is feeling sorry for them and can disempower the individual as this perspective tends to place you above the other. From an empathetic perspective, you understand what the other feels but don’t necessarily go there with them.
Empathy is a great skill because it masters the art of understanding while firmly placing the responsibility for getting the help needed in the hands of the person who needs it. You avoid ‘Adult-Child’ conversations and keep the balance of conversation firmly in ‘Adult-Adult’ mode.
#6 Connecting with others – be your authentic self
Life is challenging enough with the pace we all move at, the multiple plates we’re spinning, and the things we want to achieve without adding more complexity by wearing a clock—a false facade—every day. Most individuals want to connect with others who are the real deal, who are authentic, who are values-driven, and who display integrity and moral principles and standards.
You can’t go wrong being you.
So ask yourself: Are you simply collecting connections that are nothing more than a vanity metric, or are you genuinely connecting with others to build longer-term meaningful relationships?
